Q&A: What Do I Do when My Girlfriend’s Friend Comes On To Me?

Dear Juliette,

My girlfriend and I have been together for about two years. I always knew one of her friends liked me. Last week her friend tried to kiss me when my girlfriend wasn’t in the room at a party when we were all drunk. I was horrified and didn’t know what to do so I made up excuses to leave with my girlfriend and I didn’t tell her what happened. Then yesterday her friend messaged me on facebook to say she was sorry but she has always liked me and wanted to see if I liked her too. I don’t know what to say to her and I don’t know if I should tell my girlfriend that her friend came on to me. Please help.

My Dear Reader,

That friend sounds like a fucking asshole and my first instinct is to advise you to spill the beans to your girlfriend. Her friend is the worst type of friend anyone could ever have, and should be punished and kicked out of your world to ensure she can’t get between you and your girlfriend ever again. She is selfish, ignorant and heartless to betray her friend in such a way, not to mention testing your loyalty and trivializing your integrity. If I were in your position, (which I have been) I would crucify her. Proverbially, of course.

ZorroHOWEVER, I have read that there is a large percentage of people who would rather carry on without the stress of a situation such as this than know about it if nothing exceedingly damaging happened. If the friend has apologized and seems sincere about not doing it ever again, you should use your own judgement to decide if your girlfriend is the type of woman who would want to know, or be free of the hardship of the situation.

Once you have decided which way to go, if you decide NOT to tell your girlfriend, it is important that you respond to the friend’s message and tell her exactly how you feel so there is no confusion. If you are happy with your girlfriend and would never be interested in her friend, tell her friend just that in the message. Be clear. Don’t let her think that the secret is something you have together. Make sure if you are keeping it quiet that you outline very clearly that the only reason you aren’t telling your girlfriend is because you love her and don’t want her to get hurt.

If you have chosen the other side, and to tell your girlfriend about her friend’s betrayal, you probably won’t have any real need to write the message at all. Let your girlfriend decide what to say to her friend. Maybe she will forgive her and you can all be swell buddies. Maybe she will kick her out of your lives and save you the awkwardness of having to see her again.

Also…since you didn’t specifically say that you are definitely not interested in this friend, I will address that as well. If you like her friend even a little bit, I am a believer that you should break up your current relationship. I know that as soon as I start to have eyes for another guy that my relationship is done. Good job on avoiding cheating, but if you do care about this friend it might be a good idea to examine your present relationship and think about why you are interested in somebody else in the first place. If you are really in love with your girlfriend you won’t be interested in anyone else in the slightest.

-Juliette

Anonymous and hassle-free, Juliette gives her honest opinion regarding online dating, and modern relationships. All questions submitted will be answered no matter how idiotic, or sexist, or crass, or naive, or bewildering. So don’t be scared…no one will know it’s you she’s mouthing off to if you ask a question you can’t ask anybody else. Juliette wants to scream her advice over the rooftops for the good of all mankind, so bring forth your questions dear readers! Be sure to SUBSCRIBE to Juliette’s blog to ensure you get your answer.

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