2. Gareth – Your Trial and Error and Moral of Failing In Dating A Fine Upstanding Dark and Charismatic Woman

The Trial: Gareth. I met him on a dating website and we wrote and then texted a lot for a few days straight. We seemed to have the same abrasive humor about human beings and jested by insulting each other a lot, which is fun to me. At one point when he brought up wanting …

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Q&A: How Do I Find Out About A Girl’s Sexual History?

Dear Juliette, I just started dating a girl and I like her a lot but she has a bit of a reputation for being slutty. I am not totally sure if all the stories I have heard are true, but how can I ask her without her being offended? My Dear Reader, Number one, above …

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Q&A: How Do I Ask Out the Waitress Who Serves Me Every week?

Dear Juliette, I have a really big crush on the waitress who serves me every week at a restaurant I go to. I can’t tell if she likes me or if she is just being nice to me because it’s her job. How can I tell if she wants me to ask her out or …

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Q&A: How Do I Get a Girl To Sleep With Me On the First Date?

Dear Juliette, How do I get a girl to sleep with me on the first date? My Dear Reader, I knew this was going to happen, so how appropriate for this to be the first question submitted…and frankly I am happy to address it so you can all ready my opinion on the subject. Since …

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The Ironic Plan: My Original Prologue For My Half-Written Book, Which I Cannot help But Aspire To Intend to Complete Through This Website

The Ironic Plan                                                           Written 2006, revised 2013   Unwavering Logic By Individual Circumstance   A book written about how difficult it is to write a book.   Specifically, this is about how hard it was to find …

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The (Actual) Intimidated Boy Syndrome Theory

bigeyesWritten 2006, revised 2013

It took a few weeks to develop this theory because I guess I didn’t realize how rampant it was in my life and how simplistic and primitive the behaviour is until now. Generalizing is pretty easy when things seem to always turn out the same way but it wasn’t until recently that what I thought was familiar and safe and pure itself, seemed to be taking the form of the same old crappy song and dance it always does.

So it goes like this.

As a human who doesn’t know how to bite my tongue or hold back any annoyances or anger when something truly displeases me, I am in result a very honest individual. Most, if not all people would agree is a good quality. I think there is vast difference between what people agree to and how people react to such “good qualities”. It seems that the blatant dishonesty is of people fooling themselves into believing that an admirable idea is what they really think too. Upon reflection, it’s probably the most common type of deception that there is. It is a really nice notion when you think about it though, everyone aspires to be honest and trustworthy and most people even claim to be such things perhaps without realizing the actual essence of the words. My best friend (and future husband if things keep going as they are going until I turn 40) Chad is the one who pointed this out to me in 2006 when I couldn’t figure out why people around me seem to be such insanely obvious liars.

It’s that they didn’t really know they were lying about it, because the aspiration of being like someone you admire and failing isn’t a deliberate deception.

So as an individual who is abundantly granted the title of intimidating, I’ve finally stopped wondering what everyone was talking about and I think I’ve figured it out. The theories are all over the place but it appears that the most obvious is this: due to my verbal immediate intolerance for that which I disapprove of, the first time I show annoyance or intolerance for something someone says or does to me, they usually get mad at me. They get mad at me for getting mad at them because they did or said something inappropriate to me. That sounds stupid and immature doesn’t it? But it makes sense why people do it; because they are being criticized in some way.

This seems to be a defensive instinct which I completely understand as a person who never really believes herself to be wrong unless proven so. It also seems likely that as a boy who is already intimidated and nervous and unsure of himself who then makes a mistake around me and is called on it, if his confidence is dropped even more due to this occurrence,  that the defensiveness will intensify. So it seems that resentment for me is formed by me being honest, and by being straight forward. It might be fair to say that people don’t want to be around someone who makes them feel bad about themselves. But as a teller of the truth I feel that it is much more fair to suck it up and admit the mistake and then forget about it instead of reminding and dragging it out until there is so much pent up resentment that there is no possible way to alleviate it. This is comparable to trying to pick up the pieces of a shattered relationship without letting go of all of the fights and the piss offs from the past. It’s probably impossible unless one person is willing to change.

So, basically it is probably impossible for me to get along with people who annoy me whatsoever, because the chances of them being able to adapt to my forthright personality are so slim, and the chances of me changing my personality are null. It just might be fair to say that as soon as I have a conflict with someone, I can assume they will not stick around for long. Or even better, I should just kick them out the door and learn that my expectations won’t be so high of my suitors’ tolerance for me anymore! Weee!

In summary, no matter how much I try to convince someone that they already passed the metaphorical test and that I’m not trying to be difficult, people are dishonest with ME and say everything is fine but carry on with hidden animosity for me for pointing out their mistake. This is not in regards to some disagreement that is never resolved, like some agree to disagree thing. This is the hands down, I am definitely in the right and usually get an apology type mistakes. Contrary to the usual belief, I’m not talking about just me thinking I am right about everything all the time. These situations are started BY me being right and the refusal of acceptance of it. I’m thinking if people actually read this and feel like they understand it, that there might be a higher comprehension of what I’m talking about so that people will be conscious not to play into the predictability of it later when it actually occurs.

It must be hard for people to feign being open about everything when they rarely disagree or ever discuss their conflict. The best I can do keeping my mouth shut is at work when I am there as my alter-ego, Mary Sunshine and I am nice to people because it is work. Aside from that, how am I supposed to not opinionate when something is irritating me and I want it to stop? I’m concluding it really doesn’t matter because people don’t want to be told the truth if it is unpleasant or if it means they might have to apologize for something or admit that they did something wrong and get over it.

It looks like people would rather carry their ill-gotten grudges and insufficiently stroked egos to their graves than learn how to appreciate when someone is being totally honest with them.

This theory is far more depressing than I thought.

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Q&A: How Do I Talk My Girlfriend Out Of Getting A Dog?

Dear Juliette, I have been going out with my girlfriend for about six months and everything is going great with us. We live in separate places but I can see us moving in together in the future, maybe around six more months or so. A few days ago she told me she wants to get …

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4. Theodore: The Trial and Error Of a Solid Start and A Devastatingly Pre-emptive Sexual Comment

The Trial: Theodore was a suitor I met for once in the real world as opposed to online. He was a tall, hot, older surfer looking type but didn’t sound like a smoke-infused idiot. He was postering for a festival and started asking about our selection of sunglasses which he had bought from a couple …

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Q&A: When Is It OK To Stop Using Condoms In A Monogamous Relationship?

Dear Juliette, I have been dating a girl exclusively for two months and she still insists on using condoms even though she is on the pill. I think she is being paranoid. When is it ok to stop using condoms in a committed monogamous relationship? My Dear Reader, I think that in each individual relationship …

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Tips For First Dates

spider2.jpgMost of this advice can apply to women too. It’s not that I don’t like giving women advice, it’s just that I think I am MUCH better at telling men what to do. Here’s a few of the most basic tips for your first date, more will come.

HOW TO DRESS

1. Dress for the place you are going.

2. Dress like you are trying to impress a girl. Any girl. Every girl. What if it doesn’t work out with your date? Maybe there are other hot girls there. Always look impressive. And if you have it, do your hair. No excuses.

There is absolutely no reason to wear a hoodie and your oldest pair of shorts to a first date unless you are going kitesurfing (whatever that is). If you are meeting in a lounge, wear a button up shirt. Eve if you wear it with good jeans, you will look like you cared about looking good for her. Even if you only have t-shirts, wear your best t-shirt and wear non-jeans with it. Girls notice. Think about it, if the girl showed up wearing yoga pants and a hoodie that says “Princess” on it you would probably not be terrible impressed. Consider that women also want to get an idea of what a man’s body type is. We as the fairer species don’t get the luxurious chance of having men turn up in a skin tight leg-showing, cleavage-advertising ensemble, so think about how you want to portray yourself. As a sweatpants-wearing hobo? Or a respectable classy guy.

For women: I live by the standard that if you dress like a hussy on the first date it will be assumed you are a hussy. Good for you if you like to sleep with guys on their first date, that is fine but I don’t. So I do not wear short skirts, I limit the cleavage, and I usually wear my hair down. I find that it successfully keeps men from making awkward premature advances. If you dress like a business lady (which I am) I usually get treated respectfully like one.

Also an important note to make for women on first dates, is not to go too over the tp if you intend to see the man again. You don’t want to show him the best you’ve got on the first shot.  On the first date, if you are a 10, dress like a 7. On the second date, dress like an 8. On the third date show up as your 10 self and you decide by how much you like him or want to sleep with him when you bring out the short skirts and boob shirts.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not opposed to being a complete tease, but I have found that it is best for me to see what the guy is like first before bringing out the big guns (not that I have big guns).

WHERE TO MEET

Ask the girl. It is gentlemanly and thoughtful to let her choose where to go, especially if you have never met before. Maybe she is more comfortable playing mini golf, or in a crowded restaurant, or like me getting wasted on wine in a lounge. If she says she “doesn’t care”, take everything you know about her and deduce what is the best setting by that knowledge. If she likes fishing, offer to take her to do something where there is water. If she likes Thai food, offer to take her to a Thai restaurant. If she likes wine (like me! She is probably a champ you won’t want to mess this up with!) offer to take her to a wine bar. If she is shy, you might want to offer to break the getting-to-know-you ice in stages by taking her to the theatre or a movie.

Note I wrote for each option “offer”. Don’t assume that just because she says she “doesn’t care” that it means she is up for anything, or likes surprises, or that she believes you will magically choose the right place. Maybe she does in fact believe that, but don’t set yourself up for disaster. For example if a guy took me to a steak house not knowing that I’m a vegetarian, I would be fine because I could choose other things on the menu, however he might feel stupid that he didn’t ask and then act like a self-conscious ass for the entire date. Make sure you decide together on the location.

DON’T BE LATE

Chances are it won’t be the end of the world if you are a few minutes late, except that it will result in your first ever conversation with the new girl being on the subject of being late. Think about how you screw up any meeting where the first thing you have to talk about is why you weren’t there on time. Even if you are only going to be two minutes late, call ahead and warn her so you don’t have to talk about it when you meet in person.

He was a several minutes late which, thoughtless as it may have been, wasn’t the end of the world, except that it resulted in the first conversation we ever had being on the subject of drying undershirts. Think about how you screw up any meeting where the first thing you have to talk about is why you weren’t there on time. Call ahead and warn her so you don’t have to talk about it when you meet in person.

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