Q&A: How Do I Get a Girl To Sleep With Me On the First Date?

Dear Juliette, How do I get a girl to sleep with me on the first date? My Dear Reader, I knew this was going to happen, so how appropriate for this to be the first question submitted…and frankly I am happy to address it so you can all ready my opinion on the subject. Since …

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The Ironic Plan: My Original Prologue For My Half-Written Book, Which I Cannot help But Aspire To Intend to Complete Through This Website

The Ironic Plan                                                           Written 2006, revised 2013   Unwavering Logic By Individual Circumstance   A book written about how difficult it is to write a book.   Specifically, this is about how hard it was to find …

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5. The Trial and Error/Attack Of Hickeyman: Yes, A Grown Man Who Gives Hickies and My GREAT Dismay In Other Behavioural Departments

The Trial: Hickeyman and I started talking on pof and it seemed as though we had quite a bit in common. He was living off of internet start-ups he had made successful with his knowledge of Internet Marketing, which by coincidence was exactly what I was beginning to research for this very website. He was …

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The (Actual) Intimidated Boy Syndrome Theory

bigeyesWritten 2006, revised 2013

It took a few weeks to develop this theory because I guess I didn’t realize how rampant it was in my life and how simplistic and primitive the behaviour is until now. Generalizing is pretty easy when things seem to always turn out the same way but it wasn’t until recently that what I thought was familiar and safe and pure itself, seemed to be taking the form of the same old crappy song and dance it always does.

So it goes like this.

As a human who doesn’t know how to bite my tongue or hold back any annoyances or anger when something truly displeases me, I am in result a very honest individual. Most, if not all people would agree is a good quality. I think there is vast difference between what people agree to and how people react to such “good qualities”. It seems that the blatant dishonesty is of people fooling themselves into believing that an admirable idea is what they really think too. Upon reflection, it’s probably the most common type of deception that there is. It is a really nice notion when you think about it though, everyone aspires to be honest and trustworthy and most people even claim to be such things perhaps without realizing the actual essence of the words. My best friend (and future husband if things keep going as they are going until I turn 40) Chad is the one who pointed this out to me in 2006 when I couldn’t figure out why people around me seem to be such insanely obvious liars.

It’s that they didn’t really know they were lying about it, because the aspiration of being like someone you admire and failing isn’t a deliberate deception.

So as an individual who is abundantly granted the title of intimidating, I’ve finally stopped wondering what everyone was talking about and I think I’ve figured it out. The theories are all over the place but it appears that the most obvious is this: due to my verbal immediate intolerance for that which I disapprove of, the first time I show annoyance or intolerance for something someone says or does to me, they usually get mad at me. They get mad at me for getting mad at them because they did or said something inappropriate to me. That sounds stupid and immature doesn’t it? But it makes sense why people do it; because they are being criticized in some way.

This seems to be a defensive instinct which I completely understand as a person who never really believes herself to be wrong unless proven so. It also seems likely that as a boy who is already intimidated and nervous and unsure of himself who then makes a mistake around me and is called on it, if his confidence is dropped even more due to this occurrence,  that the defensiveness will intensify. So it seems that resentment for me is formed by me being honest, and by being straight forward. It might be fair to say that people don’t want to be around someone who makes them feel bad about themselves. But as a teller of the truth I feel that it is much more fair to suck it up and admit the mistake and then forget about it instead of reminding and dragging it out until there is so much pent up resentment that there is no possible way to alleviate it. This is comparable to trying to pick up the pieces of a shattered relationship without letting go of all of the fights and the piss offs from the past. It’s probably impossible unless one person is willing to change.

So, basically it is probably impossible for me to get along with people who annoy me whatsoever, because the chances of them being able to adapt to my forthright personality are so slim, and the chances of me changing my personality are null. It just might be fair to say that as soon as I have a conflict with someone, I can assume they will not stick around for long. Or even better, I should just kick them out the door and learn that my expectations won’t be so high of my suitors’ tolerance for me anymore! Weee!

In summary, no matter how much I try to convince someone that they already passed the metaphorical test and that I’m not trying to be difficult, people are dishonest with ME and say everything is fine but carry on with hidden animosity for me for pointing out their mistake. This is not in regards to some disagreement that is never resolved, like some agree to disagree thing. This is the hands down, I am definitely in the right and usually get an apology type mistakes. Contrary to the usual belief, I’m not talking about just me thinking I am right about everything all the time. These situations are started BY me being right and the refusal of acceptance of it. I’m thinking if people actually read this and feel like they understand it, that there might be a higher comprehension of what I’m talking about so that people will be conscious not to play into the predictability of it later when it actually occurs.

It must be hard for people to feign being open about everything when they rarely disagree or ever discuss their conflict. The best I can do keeping my mouth shut is at work when I am there as my alter-ego, Mary Sunshine and I am nice to people because it is work. Aside from that, how am I supposed to not opinionate when something is irritating me and I want it to stop? I’m concluding it really doesn’t matter because people don’t want to be told the truth if it is unpleasant or if it means they might have to apologize for something or admit that they did something wrong and get over it.

It looks like people would rather carry their ill-gotten grudges and insufficiently stroked egos to their graves than learn how to appreciate when someone is being totally honest with them.

This theory is far more depressing than I thought.

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More Speculations Regarding Wavelengths and Abilities To Get Along With Humans

berlinI like the notion of slowly exposing my thoughts from several years before I became who i am now, the successful businesswoman. These ideas of mine are occasionally altered as time goes on but remain pretty much the same, probably with a new splash of lower standards due to so much failure. Haha

Written July 6, 2007, revised 2013

The wavelength theory is designed around the notion that there are other people around who match a certain suitability to me, intellectually and emotionally, as well as physically to some extent.

Romantic endeavors are where the physical suitability is most important, but also in most discoveries of people on the wavelength physical attraction has been present.

It seems reasonable to assume that less attractive people generally have a more difficult time getting along with more attractive people.

My speculation on this subject is proven by what I find as being the majority of people I befriend, being more attractive than not. I think this is due to a security in oneself and egotistical tendencies being matched.

It seems fair to assume that most “less attractive” people would potentially have issues with more attractive people for their lack of confidence. The expressions “stealing someone’s thunder” and “being outshined” have been used to describe the reasons why I believe myself to be a difficult candidate for friendship.

Numerous attempts at befriending girls have resulted mainly in failure for what I blame on insecurity. I am not competitive by nature, so the accusations of stealing thunder or outshining or whatever other weather-fueled clichés are false. It is them, not me.

It definitely seems reasonable from a male’s perspective as well where I’m concerned. It has been generalized in the past that a lot of men don’t bother with women they feel are out of their league, whereas men with exceptional self-confidence go for the gold.

So I suppose in essence it still boils down to the psychological emotional and intellectual suitability, and it is simply hit or miss that the physical attraction is paralleled.

Or, perhaps it is more accurate with women than men, but the phoniness which is more rampant in women in general makes it harder to decipher.

Or, more likely than any of this, is the notion that the wavelength theory proves less true than what I thought at the beginning of this rant, and that there are even fewer people who can get along with me than I thought.

Adapting

Written July 7th 2007, revised 2013

I’ve re-iterated the wavelength theory because although it seems like a nice idea for me, I’m not sure that in my narcissistic world that I’m actually capable of meeting anyone on the same wave as me.

I have suspicions that with time it’s possible I’ll adapt to people or they might be able to adapt to me, but for right now I’m probably too immature while simultaneously set in my own ways.

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Q&A: How Do I Talk My Girlfriend Out Of Getting A Dog?

Dear Juliette, I have been going out with my girlfriend for about six months and everything is going great with us. We live in separate places but I can see us moving in together in the future, maybe around six more months or so. A few days ago she told me she wants to get …

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4. Theodore: The Trial and Error Of a Solid Start and A Devastatingly Pre-emptive Sexual Comment

The Trial: Theodore was a suitor I met for once in the real world as opposed to online. He was a tall, hot, older surfer looking type but didn’t sound like a smoke-infused idiot. He was postering for a festival and started asking about our selection of sunglasses which he had bought from a couple …

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Q&A: I Love Someone Who Is Dating Someone Else

Dear Juliette, I truly love this lady but she is already dating someone else. My Dear Reader, This past week I gave my best friend the advice I am going to give you. She was interested in a guy she dated briefly a few years ago when she was hung up on someone else, so …

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The (Actual) Intimidated Boy Syndrome Theory – Written 2006, revised 2016

It took a few weeks to develop this theory because I guess I didn’t realize how rampant it was in my life and how simplistic and primitive the behaviour is until now. Generalizing is pretty easy when things seem to always turn out the same way but it wasn’t until recently that what I thought …

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Rules, Theories and Philosophies I Believe That You Should Believe About Dating, Friendships, Life and Love

impatience-final4.jpgThe etiquette and proper methods of attaining a woman like me. Starting with:

The Theories

Theories by definition, according to answers.com are:

  1. A set of statements or principles devised to explain a group of facts or phenomena, especially one that has been repeatedly tested or is widely accepted and can be used to make predictions about natural phenomena.
  2. The branch of a science or art consisting of its explanatory statements, accepted principles, and methods of analysis, as opposed to practice: a fine musician who had never studied theory.
  3. A set of theorems that constitute a systematic view of a branch of mathematics.
  4. Abstract reasoning; speculation: a decision based on experience rather than theory.
  5. A belief or principle that guides action or assists comprehension or judgment: staked out the house on the theory that criminals usually return to the scene of the crime.
  6. An assumption based on limited information or knowledge; a conjecture.

The Wavelength Theory                                                          2005

The Wavelength Theory rides on the same notion as finding people who are your “type”. But rather than dumbing it down to appearances, musical interest or what we do for a living, it is about being at a level of confidence, emotional and psychological maturity, and views on priorities. This became clear to me when I was meeting people I didn’t seem to have much in common with but who I found intensely interesting and easy to get along with. People who have common interests and/or problems with meeting people and identifying with the regular joes of the world tend to be on the same wavelength as me, because we think in the same margins of human equality. For example, I usually like people who complain about disrespectful or ignorant humans, but I’m not limited to it and it has nothing to do with the way we live other than maybe our upbringing.

The Wavelength has also to do with a feeling of being in a higher state of consciousness than most people. The state of consciousness is a notion of being true to oneself and standing by one’s convictions. It probably sounds pretentious, but they are in fact two very hard traits to find. I am often fooled into thinking I meet people on the wavelength and given my romantic aspirations, I often get excited too quickly and am sorely disappointed. But I think that glitch in my life has been rectified. I have been having issues in the past few years with instantly falling in love when I met someone who seemed to have the same kind of ideas as me about the world, and being completely disappointed when I realize it was all pretty much a sham. I realized that if I tell my ideas to people, they tend to agree with them because the ethics of how I see things are admirable and exciting to new people who are interested in me. Most people although find the ideas admirable, don’t actually live by them. So once this truth of their lack of conviction is revealed, it appears to me as a lie which is a blatant faux-pas in my Code of Ethics, hence the difficulty in finding equals.

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