Q&A: I Love Someone Who Is Dating Someone Else

Dear Juliette,

I truly love this lady but she is already dating someone else.

My Dear Reader,

This past week I gave my best friend the advice I am going to give you. She was interested in a guy she dated briefly a few years ago when she was hung up on someone else, so feels she didn’t give him a fair chance. But now this guy is in a relationship, and she still wants to try dating him again. Your situation is similar, except I know far less of the exact details of the situation so I will use her situation as an example.

sadcookieThe most important thing to consider is, what you would do if someone went after your girlfriend while you were with her? You would be hurt and furious and probably want to kick that person’s ass. Imagine if your girlfriend went for it and was stolen away when everything was going perfectly fine. The biggest issue in both your problem and my friend’s, is that you are contemplating trying to steal someone’s girlfriend/boyfriend. That is 100% immoral, deceitful and downright mean and you shouldn’t do it. Not knowing whether or not the lady you love is happy in her relationship or not is a definite factor, but in order to give yourself a fair and honest chance with her, you need to wait until she is single to do anything about it. I would never trust a man who told me his feelings about me if I was in a happy relationship, I would think he was a cheating douche and I would see that he thought my integrity was so weak that I would leave the one I’m with at the snap of his fingers. I would never be in an unhappy relationship though. Not for very long, at any rate. In the event where you believe she is unhappy with her current boyfriend, I suggest talking to her about it and asking if she is happy, and find out what makes her tick. Not only will you be the shoulder to lean on, you will also educate yourself in what bothers her and what she likes about being with someone. Yes, you run the risk of being stranded in the friend zone forever, but it looks like that is where you have already put yourself in the first place. If you don’t know her that well, maybe your love for her is fantasy. As with the situation my friend is in, I believe she only wants to date this guy because he suits her better than either of the other guys she is casually dating. I remember when she dated him the first time and although eh was a gentleman who was into the same types of things as her, I know for a fact that she was not attracted to him. He just looks like the hero because she has nothing better going on. Reflect upon whether you really love this lady or if she is just the best you can think of right now. If you really do know her well and truly love her, I recommend going on some dates with other women. They might pale in comparison to your love, but you might be surprised by how fun it is to meet new people and find out the things you like and dislike about them. That is how I started this website, with countless dates with countless men I either absolutely hated, or basically felt nothing for. But once in a while, once every couple of years I meet one that I really like. The story of The Spaniard will come soon in the Trial and Error section. For this endeavor of casual dating, I am a huge fan of www.plentyoffish.com (pof.com) as well as www.okcupid.com . In my years I have noted that due to being able to read up a bit about a person, and email them a few times before you go out, you are very likely to have more in common and your meetings are less awkward than when you meet people at the bar or coffee shops, or what have you. Dating websites are the wave of the future. Asking girls out has become easier than it has EVER been. Respectable attractive upstanding hardworking gallant people are posting their profiles on dating websites, because they have a greater chance of meeting a legitimate genuine significant other there, because you can indicate exactly what you are looking for. People who just want to bang, can select that they just want to bang. Those who are looking for long term relationships, or casual dating, or friends, can select those as well. There is a much higher likelihood of finding someone who wants the same things as you. And if that thing is just wasting time until your true love becomes single again, if you really love her, that is ok. You are allowed to casually date without commitments. Just don’t mislead or lie about your intentions to the women you go out with, and none of them should be too completely crushed if you don’t want to see them anymore. Simply keep it casual and do not talk about the woman you love. Women hate that and it will make you seem like a jerk that you are in love with a woman who is involved with someone else. It will also make you seem like a jerk that you are wasting the current woman’s time, but that is none of her business as long as you are honest about your dating intentions on your profile. Maybe one day you will meet the right girl for you and the omitted details of why you are there won’t matter anymore. Now, I’m not going to try to say everyone on dating websites is beautiful and intelligent, but you can use your own judgement to decide who you want to meet in the real world. Be sure to meet in a public place, and you should have nothing to worry about. I like to go for drinks because it is very easy to bail on the date after one drink if it is not going well. I have great confidence that even if you don’t meet the woman of your dreams, it will occupy your time more favorably while you wait for your love to become single again. They say on pof that on average you will meet your next significant other after about 7 dates with different people. This is not a guarantee, but an average. So keep going on the dates, you never know who you will find.

Anonymous and hassle-free, Juliette gives her honest opinion regarding online dating, and modern relationships. All questions submitted will be answered no matter how idiotic, or sexist, or crass, or naive, or bewildering. So don’t be scared…no one will know it’s you she’s mouthing off to if you ask a question you can’t ask anybody else. Juliette wants to scream her advice over the rooftops for the good of all mankind, so bring forth your questions dear readers! Be sure to SUBSCRIBE to Juliette’s blog to ensure you get your answer.

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