Q&A: How Long Do I Wait To Contact A Girl I Like?

Dear Juliette,

I met a girl last week while I was out and she gave me her phone number by texting me. I texted her back right away while we were sitting there as a joke. Now 2 days have gone by and she still hasn’t responded, so I’m not sure if I should text her again.

My Dear Reader,

Think nothing of that joke text you sent her while you were with her, text her or call her today. In fact, now.

I give men two days. If 48 hours passes by without a response to my email/message, or it takes longer than two days for you to contact me after I gave you my number, your honest chance is finished. I might still go out with you, I might stay in contact with you for a few days or weeks (usually while I wait to see how long it takes you to conjure the guts to ask me out) but if you pretended not to be into me…I am not going to take you seriously. You become a passtime. A plaything. Something to use to waste time until I find something more worthwhile to play with. And don’t mistake being a plaything for a sexual innuendo. If I want sex from you, maybe I’ll take it, but chances are I don’t respect you enough anymore and I’m going to just string you along until I find someone who seems like they like me more.

Don’t Put It Off, You’ll Lose Momentum. Keep Your Eye On the Prize

If you like a woman, don’t waste time. Waiting three days so women won’t think you are desperate is a MYTH, and it is a thing of the past. Texting has made it possible to flirt allllllll day long, with access 24/7 to the object of your flirtation. So if I text a guy and he doesn’t answer in one day, I am already starting to pack my I-don’t-give-a-shit bags out of there. I don’t fantasize about a guy who can’t spend one singular minute paying attention to me in a span of 24 hours. Fine, you go to work. Fine, you are busy. But if a man doesn’t show that he will take one minute to dote on me in the form of a few impersonal electronic words, why would I expect him to dote on me in any other way at all, ESPECIALLY sexually?

A Guide To How Quickly You Need To Act Before She Writes You Off

Here are some guidelines to show how I judge a man’s interest. Maybe I am too harsh. Maybe i am perpetually single. But I am figuring out little by little how to measure someone’s interest in me and whether or not they are right for me early on, so I won’t waste time with someone who will never satisfy me in any way, shape, or form.

If I texted him first : He should reply within 1 day. 2 days MAXIMUM. anything after that, he becomes a joke to me. A ragdoll to torture and then throw away.

If I gave him my phone number: He should call/text within 2 days. Sometimes waiting until the weekend is okay, so I wouldn’t necessarily put a man out to dry if he waited a week to call, but I would have liked a text before then to show he was interested and so I could flirt with him and fantasize about him throughout the week.

If I called him first: 1 day. No excuses. I would not leave a voicemail, I’d hang up and send a text. A lot of people don’t check their voicemail every day, but they do see a text the next time they pick up their phone. And if they don’t have your number in their phone yet/don’t have call display/ don’t recognize your number, it won;t matter because you will have told them that it’s you in the text.

If you have established contact already, and he waits more than 48 hours to reply to a text, finish him.

Unless there is some intricate explanation when he does reply of what the reason was for taking so long, he isn’t that interested. It is unfortunate that texting has made everyone so readily available that there is very little reason not to respond to someone within due time (1 day), but that is the way it is. So if a man doesn’t answer… he probably meant not to.

Sometimes… Technology Fails. Call. Use Words Out Of Your Actual Mouth.

It has occurred in my life that texts have simply not gone through…that is real…amongst my friends…it DOES happen. For example, for whatever reason when I turned off iMsg on my iPhone, NO texts from iPhone users came through until I turned iMsg back on. The texts my friends sent me that night were lost in oblivion. That doesn’t make any sense right, for a gadget like an iPhone to make such a grave technological mistake for such a simple tool? Well I know now that it has happened to me twice, so who knows how many texts I missed that I never heard about. Texts that could have been from my dream boy! Probably not in my case though.

Missing a text can be an innocent misunderstanding, but realistically, it’s not very often that there’s a reasonable excuse for it, much less a way that you’d ever know about it. So note that if you really like someone, if you can come up with the bravado to have a real conversation with her before the date you should CALL to establish first contact. Set yourself apart from everybody else and make a real phone call.

Then you can text as you wish, and it won’t be as weird if you have to ask later if a text went through, because chances are…it did go through…and the other person is choosing not to respond. It is less likely that I would bail on a date if the guy spoke to me on the phone first. Bailing on dates is my M.O. as a matter of fact, if we have only been communicating by email/text, I find it very easy to make up excuses not to go. Whereas, a guy who I speak to on the phone I’d probably have a harder time letting down.

How Long To Wait To Reply On Dating Websites

On dating websites I have found that most men are pretending not to be checking their messages every day (or multiple times) but what is silly about that, is that there are ways to see if they are online or when they last were.

(Tip: On plentyoffish.com, without having an upgraded account, I can see the order of “Favorites” is listed by when they were last online, most recent at the top.)

However, even if I’ve seen that a guy I messaged has been online, I’d find it totally respectable to receive a reply within a week, maybe even two weeks. I have been on the other side of that situation where I went out with someone else so was trying to give him a fair chance, or I really didn’t even go in to check my messages, I signed in for something else. Online is different, especially for a first reply, I wouldn’t judge someone for taking a long time to respond for the first time. However after contact is made, give a week.

CALL. Did I Say That Already? CALL HER. Talk, For Real.

I’ll take this opportunity to also point out, dear reader, and for all men, to call a woman if you like her. CALL HER. Texting is easier, sure, but everybody texts and worse than that, most people aren’t really that good at flirting via text.

The art of flirtatious phonecalling is all but lost, and you learn a lot more about a person’s personality by talking to them on the phone than texting them. You might even figure out by talking on the phone that you aren’t a good match and save yourself days or weeks or months of texting/emailing.

I should have been enforcing this rule on myself since years ago, ever since talking to a way-too-young-for-me Kurt sounded like he was trying too hard on the phone when we spoke and he acted exactly that way in person. Well, worse. Way worse actually. More on Kurt another day. Check the Trials and Errors section for other dating stories and what not to do.

Want Her to Giggle Like A Schoolgirl? Yes, Yes You Do.

Getting phonecalls from boys will always be exciting. Always. And don’t be discouraged if she doesn’t pick up. It’s a lost art after all, it’s old school, almost even…romantic, so some women might be scared to pick up because they aren’t used to it. In that case, text her that it is you and ask her to call you when she has a few minutes. It goes a long way in showing your interest in her as a human being. As a hot ticket. As a fascinating bombshell.

So men, take exactly as much time as you FEEL is necessary to contact a woman. If it’s five minutes, do it. If it’s five days, do it. Measure your interest by how soon you want to talk to her, and there is a very good chance that you will receive the honest measurement in time of interest in return. Keep in mind that if you wait more than two days you can expect that she doesn’t have you in her number one spot anymore. Keep in mind that the longer you wait, the better chance you have of attaining a totally meaningless relationship. Possibly with no contact at all, just a series of meaningless texts, or meaningless emails, never to find out who the girl really is and how much you might have liked her. So if that is what you want, now you know.

Anonymous and hassle-free, Juliette gives her honest opinion regarding online dating, and modern relationships. All questions submitted will be answered no matter how idiotic, or sexist, or crass, or naive, or bewildering. So don’t be scared…no one will know it’s you she’s mouthing off to if you ask a question you can’t ask anybody else. Juliette wants to scream her advice over the rooftops for the good of all mankind, so bring forth your questions dear readers! Be sure to SUBSCRIBE to Juliette’s blog to ensure you get your answer.


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