I’m not sure with my boyfriend if he truly loves me or not. What to do?
My Dear Reader,
I think that this is the greatest stigma attached to love and relationships. We struggle with whether or not to trust someone, whether or not to give them your heart, whether or not to believe what they say. By inadvertently measuring their actions and their words we eventually feel either a satisfaction or a dissatisfaction with the results which may or may not be accurate. This is where some people start to get paranoid or jealous, sometimes with reason, sometimes without. I don’t think there is any real way of knowing if someone loves you, there is only knowing if you believe their words and their actions. I have never kept a boyfriend I didn’t trust, but I long ago adopted an insanely high level of confidence, therefore I honestly cannot see why any man would cheat on me or want to flirt with other women, and as far as I know it has never happened. I have a self-centered tendency not to get too involved with a man who isn’t very obvious about his feelings for me. this way, I am far less likely to be hurt by him. I am not saying everyone should do this, but it works for women like me who don’t mind being alone and have no qualms whatsoever with getting dates if we want them.
It could be argued that some people show affection in different ways, some are more subtle, some are shy, some show their love in strange ways. Regardless of the type of person though, it seems to me that as you get to know someone you begin to notice their quirks and individual styles of showing their feelings. So I would think that the best way to figure out if your boyfriend loves you is to try to decipher how he shows his love for you and if it correlates with the way he shows his feelings for other people or things he cares about. This comparison can’t be expected to trigger exact same responses, but you can compare your boyfriend’s best friend, or mother, or nephew, or even his car, or favorite object, to try to imagine if his sincerity for you is the same. For example, does he always seem happy to see you, does he always answer your calls or return your calls right away, is he always up for making plans with you, does he bring you out with his friends, or out with his family, does he tell you he loves you and if so in which particular circumstances? Is it always the same or is it out of the blue, is it ever when other people are around, do you have to say it to him first, etc.
If you feel that you can ask him about it, ask him. Maybe he will surprise you with his honesty. And on the pessimistic side of things, if you don’t like his response maybe he is not the one for you. I am a romantic and I definitely believe there is someone for everyone, so if you are not sure about this guy and he doesn’t console your uncertainty successfully, it could be that the man for you is still somewhere out there. As a woman of little tolerance and an affinity for men who say they love me within a week of meeting me, if I had any doubts and my guy wouldn’t convince me otherwise, I would probably drop him. Once the terms girlfriend and boyfriend are established there is a higher expectation of commitment and honesty and I stand by the notion that if I don’t have 100% dedication from a man, he is not the right guy for me.
If your worry about his love for you has to do with sex, my advice is always to wait. I have mastered a magical quality where if I do not sleep with a man until I am sure about his affection for me, I tend to really not give a flying rat’s ass if I never see him again. So I always wait for at least a couple of weeks to be sure I am still interested in him by then. For my younger readers, any guy who has hissy fits about getting laid is going to waste your time and break your heart. The respectable guys who like you for you won’t act like crying little bitches if you tell them you are not ready yet.
The most difficult thing about falling in love is becoming vulnerable to the person you want to be with, and this will never change. There are no guarantees that you won’t get your heart broken, but if you are cautious about letting your guards down at a pace you are comfortable with, there is a chance that you will live happily ever after and that is worth the risk.
Anonymous and hassle-free, Juliette gives her honest opinion regarding online dating, and modern relationships. All questions submitted will be answered no matter how idiotic, or sexist, or crass, or naive, or bewildering. So don’t be scared…no one will know it’s you she’s mouthing off to if you ask a question you can’t ask anybody else. Juliette wants to scream her advice over the rooftops for the good of all mankind, so bring forth your questions dear readers! Be sure to SUBSCRIBE to Juliette’s blog to ensure you get your answer.